Thursday, September 24, 2009

JUNK

I feel so overwhelmed and discouraged right now. I don't feel like this often, and especially not to this degree. I cannot remember a time in my life when I've had a week this hard, which sounds dramatic, but there are so many things going that I can't even keep track of anymore. I could list all of the reasons why, but don't really have the energy. I'm worn out, spent, and don't feel like I have another ounce of myself to give. I'm not even sure when or how I'll begin to be replenished, and there's not really an end in sight, which is also disheartening. The weird thing is, I haven't even been able to cry. I wish I could - it's always been a good release and helped me feel better in the end. Instead, I just feel sad and totally in over my head. And I feel very alone in it.

I know these feelings aren't from God. I know this sadness and discouragement will pass. I know most if not all of it is happening due to the growth and change the Lord is inspiring and bringing about in my life - that I'm being attacked head on. But right now it beyond stinks. I guess I don't have all that much endurance because a week of this junk has whipped me and kicked my butt. I'm clinging to the old saying, "It can't get any worse," and hoping it's true in my case. Next week should surely be better than this one.

It's made me feel a tiny bit better just to write this stuff down. Hopefully I'll have some cutie-pie pictures or stories or whatever to share next time.

4 comments:

Rachel said...

I'm sorry, Jennifer :( I've definitely been there (over and over again), and you are right that it will pass, but that doesn't make it any easier to be discouraged right now. I have just prayed for you that the Lord will carry your burdens for you and replenish the emptiness you feel.

Lori said...

i'm so sorry you are feeling this way. i am a listening ear if you ever need to talk. the beck's will be in africa for the whole month of october, so let's plan some monday night madness-our turn to host. :)

Bogle said...

Hey Jen,
I am sorry you are having a tough week. I have had seasons in my life too where I felt like "there is no way this could get any worse". I know you know this, but it is just a season. This too shall pass. I will say a prayer for peace for you tonight and for you to be able to rest fully. Talk to you soon.
Leslie

Kristen said...

I guess I should read blogs more often or call my friends on a more regular basis! I am so sorry you are dealing with "junk" right now. I feel like I've had a whole year of junk! CALL ME ANYTIME! OR GIVE ME YOUR KIDS FOR AWHILE SO YOU CAN HAVE TIME TO THINK! I'm serious.